Rants

Musings on Smartphones and Dumb People

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Story 48 of 52

By M. Snarky

You see it every single day here in Los Angeles: People staring at their smartphones while they are supposedly working, or while walking down the street with their dog, or while driving their car (as they dangerously weave between the lane lines), or while at a Taylor Swift concert. These people are usually completely oblivious to anything that is happening around them, and so it is apparent that smartphones are great at blocking out situational awareness, perhaps by design. These people will be the first ones to go during a zombie apocalypse, and when you think about it, they are already in a semi-zombie state anyway, so it isn’t much of a stretch.

More often than not, these same people also have their Bluetooth earbuds crammed into their ear canals as tight as possible so that they can listen to music, or podcasts, or news, or Matt Foley: Motivational Speaker audio books. It is my opinion that they are intentionally tuning out the world and living inside their own personal bubbles. They never respond to you when you say “Hello” as you cross paths (making them seem rude, cold, and indifferent). They don’t hear you when you yell “Watch out!” as they blindly step onto the street while staring at the screen of their smartphone and walk directly into the oncoming path of a speeding city bus—ironically throwing themselves under the bus.

Then again, maybe it’s best to let Darwinism take its course and not interfere with the natural laws of the universe.

The headlines speak for themselves, “Man dies while taking selfie in front of a bison bull.” “Man dies falling off of parking structure while playing Pokémon GO!” “Woman dies in car crash while sexting her boyfriend.” The list goes on and on. Does this imply that smartphones are deadly? No: It only proves that there are too many dumb people walking around amongst us.

I don’t believe that smartphones have truly made people any smarter than they were before smartphones were invented, in fact, I’ll argue that the opposite is true because this has been my experience. It amazes me that even with the entire knowledge and history of the world at their fingertips—knowledge and history that previously required people to either go to a local library or ask their grandparents if they may thumb their way through their latest Encyclopedia Britannica edition—people still believe that Elvis is alive; that the earth is flat; and that the moon landing was a hoax. Indeed, cognitive dissonance is alive and well in the U.S.

I do believe that too much Internet bandwidth is consumed by the millions of pointless, viral cat and TikTok related videos du jour instead of by people seeking knowledge or facts, both of which appear to be in short supply these days. The last time I checked, knowledge and facts are still tariff free, so there is no additional cost to obtain them…and yet they languish. Half-truths, untruths, myths, rumors, and outright lies seem to rule the day.

Now that smartphones have AI capabilities, I think this is only going to accelerate the dumbing down of Americans. It’s going to be interesting to see how it progresses. I used to believe that AI in its absolute sense was isolated to city, county, state, and federal government politicians, you know, the smartest people in the room—just ask any one of them—and you can see how that turned out for us. If you believe that AI is somehow going to save us, you may only be half right because AI also has the potential to destroy us. I sense that AI will end up doing both in an endless creative destruction cycle. Buckle up, kids.

If there is a dystopian AI controlled Tyrellian evil robot future on the horizon, people won’t even look up from their smartphone screens long enough to notice. The masses will be led to their demise by means of a viral, cleverly gamified extermination program in which all of the “accidents” will seem plausible. May I suggest starting with the ones who have the most daily screen time as they pose the most danger to society? Come to think of it, this gives doomscrolling an entirely new meaning. Just kidding—obviously, it should start with the politicians.

Instagram: @m.snarky

Blog: https://msnarky.com

©2025. All rights reserved.

Adulting is NOT Optional

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Story 39 of 52

By M. Snarky

That’s right ladies and gentlemen, read that again; adulting is NOT optional – it is MANDATORY! It’s time for you to grow up and put on your big boy and big girl panties and stop acting so outrageously childish and selfish. This might come as a shocking revelation to you: The world does not actually revolve around you. Your lack of politeness and social skill deficiencies do not go unnoticed, dumbass, it’s just that people don’t want to correct you or engage with you in public because you just might be the type of person to snap and attack someone. Indeed, we live in dangerous times.

I see you inconsiderate, selfish, self-centered jerks perpetually in a rush and cutting in line everywhere and all of the time. Maybe time management isn’t your thing, but your lack of skill in this department does not make you more important than everybody else. Get in the back of the line like what polite, conscientious everyday people do and wait your damn turn. Or better yet just turn around and hop back onto your dinosaur and go back to your cave, you Neanderthal.

I see you ordering for a dozen people (although it could be just for you) in the drive-through, holding up what was previously a quick, convenient way to get something, but now, because of your inconsideration, you drag the entire process down to glacial speed. Waiting behind someone who not only is ordering food for a horde, but also asking a bunch of questions about the very simple, intentionally limited choice hamburger menu, and making special extra sauce-on-side requests is an unwelcome time suck for everyone else behind you. After that ordeal, we now have to wait for your massive 6-bag food order to cook and get passed through the little window as the line of cars behind you spill out onto the boulevard. Then we have to wait for you to verify that the extra sauce is actually on the side as you quarrel with the person in the window about not seeing it and then getting extra, extra sauce on the side as is your regular ploy. Here’s a nice, considerate rule of thumb: If ordering for more than four people, park your goddamn car, and walk your lazy ass up to the order counter. You just made a million new friends!

I see you driving around like a clown on crack and as if you own the road. Here’s a clue, Barney; Fast & Furious is FICTION! Knock it off with the speeding, tailgating, street takeovers, sophomoric burnouts, and the reckless driving and the crashes that kill people, you lizard brained cretins. In other words, stop driving like a complete asshole, asshole! Better yet, sell your car and get a lifetime bus pass – society will be much safer without you behind the wheel!

I see you double (sometimes triple!) parking and blocking traffic to deliver groceries or a burrito or a toaster oven. Maybe you should consider a career that doesn’t enrage people on a daily basis. How about law school? On second thought, lawyers enrage people too. How about trade school instead?

I see you arguing with the cashier at the supermarket because your Ben and Jerry’s coupon expired a year ago, and yet you still want the discount on the dozen pints of ice cream that are now slowly melting on the counter as you bicker. The incredulous look of defeat on your face when the store manager holds firm, and you have to cough up the extra two dollars – paid for with the change that you dredged up from your dusty old pocketbook – is almost worth waiting the extra five minutes for. No, I take that back – not worth it – my time is too valuable.

I see you throwing trash and cigarette butts and plastic e-cig cartridges out of your car windows and onto the streets and into the gutters. This city is NOT your trash can, idiot. Do you throw your trash on the floor of your house or apartment? No! Or, at least highly unlikely. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, but If you do, you need to get some therapy. Anyway, clean up your act. Here’s a clue: trash cans are EVERYWHERE, and you can even get one for your car! Use them as intended. Thank you so much!

I see you having a BF like some 5-year-old child because your double-pump double-shot skinny vanilla latte wasn’t delivered to you “extra hot,” but maybe you don’t know that coffee can only be a maximum of 211 °F, because at 212 °F it boils and becomes steam. It’s science. Also, who actually enjoys sipping scalding hot liquids anyway? Only masochists come to mind, which brings me full circle.

What happened to normal, ordinary, everyday social politeness anyway? Do they not teach Social Studies in school anymore? Have all the parents gone rogue? Is it perhaps because the Karen’s, Brad’s, and Barney’s of the world now outnumber the normies?

Or is it that these people were raised by the Internet?

Instagram: @m.snarky

Blog: https://msnarky.com

©2025. All rights reserved.

Over Warned?

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Story 34 of 52

By M. Snarky

Recently, my old wireless keyboard had some stubborn, sticky keys, so I had to replace it. Mind you, the keys were not sticky with foodstuffs like strawberry jam, orange blossom honey, or gooey perfumy hand lotion like my mother-in-law’s keyboard (true story); they were sticky as in I had to mash them down to get them to work. This mashing of the keys has the potential to trigger carpal tunnel syndrome, so the keyboard had to go to the great computer in the sky. Farewell, my QWERTY friend.

Subsequently, I had to purchase a replacement keyboard and mouse set. The set came with what can best be described as a warning booklet in a 1-millimeter font which required a magnifying glass to read. There were battery warnings, laser warnings, FCC warnings, plus product use guidelines. You’d think that I just bought a nuclear detonating device, not a keyboard and mouse. The only thing missing, I think, was language about the keyboard not being intended to be used a weapon. This booklet seemed like hyper legal overkill to cover any potential product liability. All of this for a keyboard? I’m pretty sure that my dad’s old mechanical Smith-Corona typewriter had no such label. I’m also pretty sure that his generation would have torn any such label off anyway.

Naturally, now I’ve been noticing that there are warning labels on everything. EVERYTHING! It is as if we have collectively lost all common sense and are somehow no longer responsible or accountable for not knowing that a knife may be sharp, or that a fire is hot. This is beyond ridiculous – this is insanity.

Is it not common sense (or common knowledge, which, apparently, is not so anymore) that:

  • A stovetop may be hot.
  • A hot cup of coffee may be hotter.
  • An electric appliance may shock you.
  • An electric chainsaw may shock you and also cut you.
  • You might fall off of a ladder.
  • A lawnmower may be dangerous if you stick your hands or feet underneath the cutting blade shroud.
  • That sunscreen may not protect you from actually getting skin cancer.
  • An inflatable flamingo is not a life saving device and you may drown.
  • Gasoline is flammable.
  • Rat poison is poisonous.
  • You might crash your bicycle.
  • You might cut yourself with a pair of scissors.

If society is going to go through slapping warning labels on all of the allegedly dangerous things, may I also suggest warning labels for people? Simple labels like:

  • Does not get along well with others.
  • Do not allow to consume alcohol.
  • Volatile.
  • Agitated.
  • Bigot.
  • Democrat.
  • Republican.
  • Dangerous while driving.
  • Dangerous while talking.
  • Narrow-minded.
  • Intolerant.
  • Indifferent.
  • Hater.
  • Extremely selfish.
  • Hypocrite.
  • Liar.
  • Pathological liar (there is a difference).
  • Blowhard.
  • Unmotivated.
  • Manipulator.

I think this would help avoid a whole lot of conflicts because you simply would avoid these types of people, right? On second thought, it would leave you with the uncomfortable knowledge that there are so many of them running around possibly having children.

I would argue that warning labels are interfering with the natural order of things like Darwin’s theory of evolution by natural selection, for example. Think about that for a minute. If we don’t allow Darwinism to do its natural selection thing, are we not allowing for the perpetuation of DNA that perhaps should have discontinued?

I don’t believe that we want the guy who shocked himself while trimming his tree by cutting into a utility wire with an electric chain saw and fell off his ladder into a gasoline fueled firepit to have any children. Prove me wrong.

But there is always a lawyer somewhere that would ask, “Was there a visible warning label on the utility wire?”

Instagram: @m.snarky

Blog: https://msnarky.com

©2025. All rights reserved.

Ultimate Middlemen  

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Story 33 of 52

By M. Snarky

Politicians. They’re just built different. From what I can gather, their (he/him/his, she/her/hers) “job” consists of the following:

  • Convincing the people that they should be elected mostly because of some sort of affinity for something that the people care about (based on polling, of course): a strong military, American jobs, the economy, entitlements like Social Security, Medicare, etc.
  • Convincing the people that they need to be protected from some bogeyman du jour, often made up out of thin air, but generally some evil foreign entity.
  • Convincing the people that the opposing political party is to blame for everything bad that is happening while also engaging in bad things themselves.
  • Convincing the people that raising taxes (i.e., taking even more of your money) is a patriotic thing to do because it helps out our country, our sick, disabled, poor, and elderly in one form or another.
  • Convincing the people that they are getting the biggest slice of the tax dollar pie as possible (i.e., government handouts).

Being that most politicians started out as lawyers, they are highly skilled at this convincing business. Maybe there is some truthiness to some of this convincing, but the jury is still out regarding actual truth. In reality, much of it are noble lies.

What politicians avoid talking about is their cut, er, I mean the cost of running the government, whom, apparently by design, have made themselves the ultimate middlemen because nothing happens unless they get their cut first.

You work. The government takes some (too much, actually) of your money in the form of taxation. The government divvies up the tax money amongst the various departments. In the meantime, throughout this entire divvying process, they always get their cut, and they always take their cut.

Now I’m going to use some very simple math here to prove my point because I’m fairly good at simple math. I also like to use infographics to support a topic, so here we go…

I think this is how most people think the government works:

The tax dollars flow in and are distributed to the various programs. The various programs assure that the recipients get their money.

But this is how the government actually works:

You see, the tax dollars flow in and are distributed to the various departments who then distribute it to the various programs, with each level of government taking their cut along the way before the money finally gets to the recipient who, by the way, is not always a sick, disabled, poor, or elderly person as you have been led to believe. Recipients also include multi-million dollar incorporated farms and billion-dollar industries, like Big Ag, Big Pharma, Big Oil, the automotive industry, the aerospace industry, and various military industrial complex companies to name a few. I abhor this last point because I cannot stand the thought of my tax dollars going into the coffers and pockets of wealthy businessmen.

The politicians will tell you that those companies need the tax money to keep Americans working, stay competitive, and “create jobs,” as the popular political speech goes. This also happens to go directly against free-market principles and the government should not be meddling in this space – let the market (i.e., the people) figure out who the winners and losers should be – not the politicians receiving massive donations from these large corporations. But they do, and this meddling skews basic economics so much so that a rocket scientist can’t even figure out the math.

Many (too many, in my opinion) of your tax dollars get consumed by the black hole of bureaucracy itself and, to me, it appears to be an inverted Ponzi scheme. Or maybe an organized crime syndicate.

The actual percentage of the government cut are hard to track because the black hole of bureaucracy is also really good at obfuscating this kind of information, but it appears to be somewhere “estimated at about 5%,” according to the Cato Institute. I know what you’re thinking, “Shut the hell up, Snarky, it’s only 5%!” To which my reply is, 5% of the annual U.S. government budget of $6.75T (that’s trillion, with a “T”) is $337.5B, some of which, by the way, has to be borrowed because the government has a spending problem – oops – I meant to say because of budget deficits. Hmm, the last time I was in a budget deficit I ended up in bankruptcy court.

So, $337.5B divided by the 2025 U.S. population of 348M (rounding up) is $970 (rounding up again) for every man, woman, and child in this country. Okay, so I’ll just write out a $970 check for everyone in my household to the IRS and I’m done for the year, right? Not so fast, Snarky: this math is much, much too simple – you’ll need to use the official U.S. government math to get it right or you risk having your assets seized and going to prison. You see, you’ll have to apply the 6,871-page U.S. tax code (75,000 pages after the U.S. Treasury’s official interpretation of the tax code) to figure out who actually pays what, plus file your annual tax return. This is absolutely ridiculous and borders on insanity. This is all in an attempt to make sure that you pay your ever increasing “fair share” of taxes which never actually feels fair at all.

In the meantime, city, county, state, and federal politicians are all perpetually scheming on how to take even more of your money for more government jobs programs which will also cost more money in and of themselves. Stuff like increased or new sewer taxes, refuse taxes, energy taxes, toilet taxes, storm water runoff taxes (yes, Los Angeles taxes us for rainwater), ad infinitum. Us taxpayers are perpetually under attack and will die a death of a thousand taxes. Keep in mind that these are also the same people that can vote to give themselves raises. Try to do that that at your job.

In reality, it is glaringly apparent that we can’t afford ourselves anymore, so maybe it’s time to apply some basic economic principles to the government, like cutting a lot of unnecessary expenses, for example. But we will get convinced that this can’t be done because government math is obviously different than all other mathematics combined – including rocket science.

One last point here is who do you think those millions of city, county, state, and federal government workers are going to vote for; the politician talking about cutting the size, scope, expense, and power of government, or the politician championing government jobs and how they must be protected and even expanded? Unfortunately, it’s the latter, not the former. Obviously.

Don’t get me started on government employee labor unions and collective bargaining agreements where the taxpayer is virtually powerless. This, however, is simple math: They demand a raise and/or more benefits or threaten to go on strike, the politicians capitulate, and in the end, you’re going to pay more taxes.

If “Taxation without representation is tyranny,” how is representation with ever increasing taxation not outright theft/coercion? How about some representation with less taxation? Just asking questions.

Maybe the politicians should just be called Ultimate Meddlemen?

Instagram: @m.snarky

Blog: https://msnarky.com

©2025. All rights reserved.

Why Turtlenecks?

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Turtlenecks have been cancelled.

Story 11 of 52

By M. Snarky

Ahh, fall is in the air and with it comes longer nights and cooler temps and the season of the…turtlenecks. God help us.

Guys, turtlenecks just don’t look cool and are a very dated fashion choice. Seriously. It’s a dreadfully old, dull fashion statement that just won’t die and it’s all your fault.

Do you think turtlenecks make you look taller? They don’t.

Do you think turtlenecks make you look smarter? If you don’t mind being judged as an elitist intellectual type – because this is what turtlenecks say about you – then, yes, you look smarter you little snob.

Do you think a turtleneck makes you look trendy? Depends upon whom you ask, but the correct answer is no.

Nobody really likes them, except for maybe mothers and girlfriends and boyfriends with ulterior motives.

Looking back to days of yore, turtlenecks were only invented to protect the necks of medieval knights to prevent chafing from their chainmail armor way back in the Dark Ages. They were not invented for men to wear while singing folk music, reciting poetry, anchoring the news, playing the bongos, or eating a steak at Morton’s with Guido and Tony.

Are these modern turtleneck wearing men trying to signal to us that they are identifying as a bold, horse riding, sword fighting, mace swinging, lance impaling medieval knight with bad teeth and actually trying to subconsciously intimidate us? Granted, this is a massive stretch. Eh, on second thought, probably not.

What looks worse than an actual turtleneck? A Dickie mock turtleneck, like what cousin Eddie spectacularly wore in Christmas Vacation. I guess if you don’t have the bucks for an actual turtleneck, a Dickie is your discount fashion option, you cheap, out-of-touch bastard. Also, I don’t think a man should wear anything called a dickie because the name itself hints that a certain body part may be smallish.

The worst look of all is a turtleneck with a big, chunky gold or silver chain worn on the outside of the collar. Unless, of course, you are Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson; he’s the only one that can pull that look off. Ahem, hi Dwayne – I love your work!

Do men really wear turtlenecks to fend off a chill to their neck on a cold day? No. It’s only worn as a fashion statement, not as a practical clothing item. So, you gotta man up, dude – wear something hip like a cravat, or a neckerchief, or an ascot, or a buff, or even a keffiyeh, but wearing one of these might piss a few people off.

Or is it that these turtleneck wearing men are channeling an actual turtle in that they can retreat into their shell if frightened by, say, a snarling Pomeranian gnashing its teeth?

Do these men look in the mirror and say to themselves, “Wow, dude – what an absolutely awesome fashion statement!” Or is it, “Mom love’s it when I wear this!” This is wrong either way.

Or is it that you allow your mother or the woman or the man in your life to dress you in a turtleneck? Rage, rage, against the…wearing of the terribly bad fashion choices.

Does your girlfriend or wife or boyfriend or husband tell you that you look handsome in a turtleneck? They are lying to you through an ulterior motive which is to make you look as unattractive as possible to other people, you know, to fend off any potential competition. The same goes for two-faced lying coworkers who tell you that you look great in a turtleneck but are laughing behind your back. You’re actually being subliminally manipulated, and you should be angry about that!

Whatever the reason is that you’re wearing a turtleneck now, it’s categorically wrong. Please, just stop it.

I’ll concede here that I can only see one, ONE, possible reason to wear a turtleneck: To cover up a poorly executed neck tattoo of a red lipstick kiss that you paid $10 for when you were 20 years old and drunk in Mexico. At the time you thought that it looked like a kiss from Angelina Jolie’s sexy lips, but when you sobered up it looked more like a smeared, sloppy, drunken kiss from the lips of Mrs. Doubtfire.

I encourage everyone to dig through their closets and their dressers and grab every single turtleneck or Dickie that can be found, pile them up high in the driveway, pour some gasoline over them, and torch them. Yes, yes, set them ablaze in the ultimate rejection of a fashion style that should have died out during the Renaissance!

And suddenly, I’m getting notices from Amazon that fall turtlenecks are on sale. “We found something you might be interested in…” with a bunch of turtleneck images and links. This can only be because I had researched turtlenecks on the web, not because I was actually shopping for one to purchase. Yeah, that’s it. Apparently, the app was “listening.”

This creepy AI algorithm stuff is going way too far.

Instagram: @m.snarky

©2024. All rights reserved.